Okay, so I’m feeling really goobery(ie? Who the hell knows?) today and thought I would share my dorkdom with you all. Now, don’t be jealous that you aren’t as awesome as I am, I know, I know, it’s supremely hard to not be envious of my mad joke telling skills.
Alright, so in reality, I’m the world’s worst joke teller. Sure, I’m really quite funny off the cuff, if I do say so myself, when it comes to poking fun at people and making crude comments, but when it comes to the art of preplanned, well thought out jokes…I’m shit.
So, here are a few lame jokes I am capable of telling on the blog, but don’t ask me to repeat them in person!!!
What do little zombies play?
Corpses and Robbers.
What do you call a zombie in a belfry?
A dead ringer.
How many Zombies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, Zombies can’t fit in a light bulb and they don’t screw.
No Seriously, How many Zombies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Why are you watching Zombies screw in a light bulb, SHOOT THEM!
What’s cuter than a zombie baby?
A zombie baby with a bunny head in its mouth. Awww.
Buh-dum-cha! That’s it for me folks!
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone.
You know, it wouldn’t be a real holiday without some zombie action.
This card comes from Monkey Minion Press and I dig their style.
Feeling poetic? Check out this zombie St. Patrick’s Day poem by Rusty Fischer: Zombies Don’t Pinch.
Get drunk. Pinch some ass. And do whatever else it is you’re supposed to do on this pointless holiday. I’m sure most of you will be zombies by morning.
I cannot possibly express how much hard work it took to get this book in my hand. Sure, I could have smashed out some semi-coherent words, slapped it together in a manuscript, doodled something for a cover and self published. Instead, I poured out a hilarious, dramatic, suspenseful, gut-wrenching tale of a young woman’s (though she is anything but lady-like) horrific journey into a zombified world.
Editing. Oh, God, the editing. I edited, re-edited, re-re-re-re-re-re-edited until I was certain I had a story that was everything I thought it should and knew it would be.
I hosted a cover design contest to find unique artwork for the cover of this book. The result was uncovering a phenomenal young artist named Brandon Waltman who created a flippin’ rockawesome cover for my unique book.
Finally, I did a shit-load of research on the book publishing scene. A book like Ravenous Decay is surprisingly hard to pitch to publishers and agents, even though the world is so ripe for the zombie pickin’s. Agents are up to their eyeballs in manuscript submissions and take so precious few new clients. Though, I did have some interest behind Ravenous Decay on the mainstream publishing front, my research told me that my chances of success were not solely weighted upon the broad shoulders of publishers. So, I decided to take on the task myself. Indie publishing is a ton of work and takes massive amounts of dedication and follow through. I’m still learning as I go, but I truly feel that Ravenous Decay was the perfect book for the indie scene.
Thanks a million to everyone who has followed along with my journey. It is by no means complete. In fact, I would say that the indie publishing journey has just barely begun. Now that I have the first printed copy of Ravenous Decay in my hand (and now that it is available to all of you) I feel a gihugic leap to higher platforms calling my name.